The 87th Annual Academy Awards took place last night. Let's do a quick review with The Top Things We Learned From the Oscars.
Neil Patrick Harris is the total package.
Kanye West should've interrupted that dude from Poland.
It's been fifty years since "The Sound of Music". And Sean Penn bathed.
Michael Keaton likes gum.
Cheech Marin directed "Birdman".
The only true winners are those who didn't blow four hours watching this crap.
Some people can follow a kid around with a camera for 12 years and get showered with accolades. The rest of us get probation for stalking.
When it comes to movies, I have absolutely nothing in common with the Academy.
John Travolta CAN read after all!
There are few things more soul-sucking than wasting four hours of your life watching celebrities make mind-numbing, self-important speeches.
Neil Patrick Harris is like a less masculine Ellen DeGeneres.
The Academy Awards have now officially replaced a billion doves eating marshmallows in a snowstorm as the whitest thing on earth.
All awards shows are infinitely better when there's zero involvement from Kanye West.
Sean Penn looks like he's preparing for the lead in "The Adolf Hitler Story".
Many of Neil Patrick Harris' jokes could have made it into the "In Memoriam" segment.