I don't often write anything personal on my blog, but I've been instructed to do so more often.¬† So let me put down my thought for the day, and here it is:
"If you like it, then you shoulda put a ring on it."
The new female anthem! Beyonce tells it like it IS! Ladies, if he doesn't put a ring on it, then MOVE ON to the next guy!
There's just one problem with that. Many of us guys WANT to put a ring on it. But we need you to be patient. Now, don't get it twisted. If you've been dating Mr. Right for 5 years and he has given NO indication that a ring is going to be "put on it", then you may be right to move on.
But I plead with you ladies, be patient!¬† Many guys WANT to put a ring on it, just as bad as you want it!¬† But it takes TIME!¬† Not only time to get the confidence in your relationship, but the confidence in himself!¬† "Putting a ring on it" means becoming a HUSBAND, and hopefully a father as well. Those are two full-time jobs you don't just undertake on a whim!¬† Every man needs time to convince HIMSELF that he can do it, and do it WELL.
In addition, it also takes time FINANCIALLY to put a ring on it, ya dig?¬† I don't know if you're aware, but "putting a ring on it" often means "putting a dent in it" with the IT being your bank account.
Not that I have a problem doing that, if you're worth it. But at least give me time to work hard and get you something NICE! For example, a guy might have worked say, at a side job or 2 for almost an entire YEAR to get the money to put a ring on it!¬† Now YOU, as a woman, see a man who's distracted by his quest for more money. But ask yourself, what is that money FOR, really?
Can you see the BIG picture here?¬† Are you figuring it out yet?
Take it from someone who knows. Ladies, you may continue to shout, "if you like it, then you shoulda put a ring on it!"
But on behalf of the guys who work hard every day and TRY, I will reply, "if you like it, then you gotta put some TRUST in it."
Peace, love, and stuff the bus.
I'm going to have to agree with you Nick. This song was only created because Beyonce finally got Jay Z to "put a ring on it". This song makes women seem just a bit too desperate to be married, which I can personally say is not the case. I'm a married woman but at no point did I rush my spouse into a decision. As stated in the blog, if you have a man that is just waiting too long, then ok, make him decide. But otherwise, relax, enjoy dating, and don't press the issue!
Teresa from Newport News
I agree and I don't.
Personally I didn't interpret the song as to mean "OMG we've been dating X amount of months and he hasn't asked to marry me I'm out" It sounded to me like she meant it more like what you said "If you‚Äôve been dating Mr. Right for 5 years and he has given NO indication that a ring is going to be ‚Äúput on it‚ÄĚ, then you may be right to move on."
Liz is right when she says "Planning for a future together happens throughout the relationship and not after we‚Äôve passed ‚Äėthe test‚Äô". Couple's should be upfront about their goals and desires at the beginning of the relationship at the very beginning. Personally my general goal is to one day get married and have children, I'm going to tell a guy this right off the bat, I'm not saying it to mean that want these things on a certain timeline or that I'm sure I want them from YOU. I'm just saying that if you don't want these things in general then I don't want to date you because I'm not willing to compromise what I want. Neither party should compromise what they consider too much in a relationship. All that being said once these generalities are expressed and if both parties feel comfortable with it, then you start talking about marriage or children or whatever with each other. You talk about your fears or money issues with the other person, you talk about the issues before you decided to get married so they aren't issues when you do. Once these issues are out there like "Honey, I want to be able to afford to get you that 1 carat diamond you love so much"...or "I just want to make sure I'm confident in myself enough to be your husband" ...then the other person needs to respect your limitations. If they honestly can't deal with that limitation, then do you really want to marry them in the first place? What happens when they really want that new car you can't afford after you are married and you tell them we need to wait six months, and they insist on NOW? Also, if she can't deal with it, then she can't, you can't change that, and while it sucks because you put effort into it, you just didn't work out. So yes, you are right when you say to be patient, as long as the reasons are expressed too.
I admit I was one of these women when I was in my very early 20's, but over the years I've matured and come to realize that relationships are work, HARD WORK....and they all start and thrive with respect for one another and the other person's desires and goals.
Good post, very thought provoking.
Nick listen to the song closer she said she spent 3 years crying so she gave it more then enough time. then she says they broke up she‚Äôs out trying to have fun and then the 3 year guy is looking all crazy when she is trying to just have fun and get to know some one else. Why ignore him, you had your chance so why get and attitude now. I‚Äôve moved on. If you liked it you should have put a ring on it so don‚Äôt get mad now that you see some one else up on me. Also it does take time any relation ship that is worth anything does, but a lot of guys today a large amount are afraid of commitment and want to be involved with a lot of woman at once. Men then get offended that the ladies are doing the same thing because there is no commitment and just a lot of wasted time.
I enjoy that song as much as the next single lady, but I COMPLETELY understand where you're coming from. You made some great points about "putting a dent in it" and "if you like it, then you gotta put some trust in it". I WOULD HAVE TO SAY THAT YOU'RE RIGHT!!!!!
LOVE TO YOU AND THE MORNING ZOO.
Very Single Lady
Liz from Newport News
Be patient....not a strong enough excuse. Most relationships have all the fixings of marriage..home cooked meals, going dutch when ya'll go out, shared responsibilities like a dog, a major bill (car, rent, mortgage, a kid), and not to mention all the nookie in the world. So don't ask for it all, expect it all, benefit from it all, meet the parents, go to church with a 'sistah' then put the brakes on when it's time to stop at JARED!
Planning for a future together happens throughout the relationship and not after we've passed 'the test'. If you can finance life's luxuries from a collection of games systems to leasing a yacht every summer, you can make a band of gold and a rock happen.
Monique from Hampton
Nick, I am a female and I 100% agree with you. I myself am anxious to one day have a ring on it, but not by just any guy. It takes time to see if he really is the one. Plus, like you said, it takes money too. NOt only for the ring, but the wedding itself. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years, but I am in no rush. If it's meant to be it will, if not then I'll be glad I didn't rush into it. But I agree with you nick. 100%!!
Hey Nick! Great blog! I totally agree with you. I think the problem that women have is that women are more open to the idea of marriage and some men just take too long to decide what it is they want. Alot of them already freak out just thinking about becoming a boyfriend, yet alone a husband. I've been lucky to find a great husband and didn't take us too long to figure out we wanted to be married, but to each their own. Some take a long time, some don't. You are definitely right though...you definitely have to put some trust in it. I was with my previous boyfriend for 8 years and NEVER was engaged...so sometimes you NEVER know. =) GREAT BLOG!